I have never seen anything more beautiful than you, Finnegan.
You are so perfect and even the flicker of a smile on your face makes my heart radiate a joy I never knew could exist. With every new development, with every laugh, with every sticky hand that gets shoved in my mouth, it feels as though my body is brimming with more love than it can handle. I am so lucky to have you you you.
My mind is never far off from thinking about how incredible it is that you came into this world healthy. It weighs on me so heavily. I know that many other mamas are not afforded this blessing and I can’t help but marvel at the way your body moves, the way your lungs continue to balloon with air, the way you continue to soil your diapers!, the way your gain more understanding of the world around you with each passing day. I constantly feel as though I do not deserve something this marvelous and perfect, and I sometimes find myself very fearful that it will all be taken away from me. The trouble is, my sweet boy, that loving someone as much as I love you hurts. It is scary. I wonder how I lived before feeling this way and I wonder how I could ever survive without you here to sop up the wealth of love constantly springing forth.
You have taught me so much, but today, two things stand out: grace and prayer. I am certain that I have never, could never, and will never do anything that should allow me to deserve you as mine. Prayer is something I’ve had my ins and outs with, and yet I can’t help but to constantly be thanking the good Lord for entrusting me to care for you.
Finnegan, you are magical. Mama loves you.
Photo credit: MES